Learned behaviors.

I don’t think there is anything more important to share than this:

The most critical reason to leave an abusive relationship is that your children are more likely to end up in abusive relationships if you stay.

Often, women (and men) who endure domestic violence will not leave for themselves. Self is lost in that situation. Self has no value. They feel worthless.

But when there are children involved, it is unconscionable to let them grow up to repeat the cycle without taking whatever action necessary to break it.

I have mixed feelings when it comes to talking about my own story. I would prefer to let it remain as distant and blurry as a memory of a past life. But my personal experience is relevant here. If sharing it saves one girl, it is worth it.

Moving on.

The second strongest motivating factor in ending a past violent relationship was a friend who convinced me, after years of hearing otherwise, that I did not deserve what I endured.

But the most influential factor was the knowledge that if I stayed, my little girl would be more likely to allow herself to be treated the way I allowed myself to be treated.

Not. A. Chance. In. Hell.

February 2-6, 2009, is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention Week.

I’ve created a Squidoo lens to promote this, and will be posting updates on Twitter and Facebook as well.

Join me in spreading the word.

Zero tolerance.

Being a child of the 70s, myself and many of my Gen X friends have teenage daughters and sons, growing up in an increasingly violent world.

Don’t assume that because you don’t see any signs of abuse that it doesn’t happen, hasn’t happened or won’t happen. It may be comparatively easy to talk to your kids about sex and drugs. Be sure you don’t overlook talking about relationship violence.

I’ve never considered myself a “victim” and I know that many, many people who have been in an abusive relationship suffered far more physical and mental harm. Honestly, the whole “this isn’t that bad” or “it could be worse” kept me in place for an embarrassingly long time.

There should not be such a concept as an acceptable level of abuse.

Pass it on.

Posted in Squidoo, freelief
Tags: abusive boyfriend, abusive girlfriend, cycle of abuse, dating violence, domestic abuse, domestic violence, relationship violence